Best Wishes For 2007

May your good health be confirmed by your dentist, gastro-endocrinologist,
urologist, gynaecologist, psychologist, optician, fortune-teller,
and may your physiotherapist, chiropractor, therapist,
Witch-doctor and your slimming clinic tell you
that you don't have to come anymore.
May your doctor know where to start
and may your masseuse know where to stop.
May your salary, your housing subsidy,
the contents of your house and all your shares increase in value,
and may your blood pressure, weight, house loan,
tax and cholesterol all decrease.
May all your friends remember you and
may the taxman forget you exist.
May hijackers, car thieves and rapists overlook you and may your
loved ones always see you.
May your walls be too high for the neighbourhood's thieves
but low enough for you to hop over when you have forgotten your keys.
May you have an honest government
and a dishonest beauty therapist.
May you have an intelligent President
and a fool for a TV license checker.
Lastly may the brewery never close their doors
Merry Christmas and a Happy NEW
YEAR

LETTER TO TRUWORTHS

The ffg is an actual letter writen to TRUWORTHS by a customer

Dear Sir/Madam

I hereby wish to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 1 May in which for the third time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt to your company and reconfirm my intend to make good on the debt as soon as possible. It is not as if I have been unwilling – in fact I have just been unable to pay you at the rate I would have liked to, due to the personal circumstances elaborated upon herein-under.

Firstly, on a point of correction, allow me to bring to your attention the fact that my details are recorded incorrectly on your database. You have incorrectly addressed me as Ms, whereas I am Mr. I cannot recall having had a sex-change operation, neither do I plan to. Although I can understand why you would make a mistake of that nature, simply because the perfume I bought was a ladies’ Issey Miyake, does not justify you referring to me as a woman. If you can make a mistake of that nature, Lord knows whether the amount alleged to be owed is not inflated. To that effect, please send me a detailed statement indicated all the cost included and the justification for the so-called interest and administration fees. To my knowledge, I have not borrowed money from you to be charged interest, neither do I expect you to administer my account as I know that I owe you R670.00 for the perfume I bought for my girlfriend. In any case, our relationship is not as great as it used to be and should it completely break down, I will forward you her details as she is the one enjoying the product derived from your store. Furthermore, it was not my intention to spend such a lot of money for a 50ml bottle of perfume.

Nonetheless, the reason for my correspondence is this - I wish to bring to your attention that you are not the only one I owe money to. I have many more creditors, quite as honourable as you and to whom I even owe many more thousands of rand than the lousy R670.00 owed to you, and whom I wish to reimburse too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and randomly draw the names of two creditors, whom I hasten to pay immediately. I hope that your name will come out in the next draw at the end of June.

Sincerely Yours,


PS: I regret to inform you that given the cheeky and impolite tone of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws

The Long Trip Home

THE LEGENDARY POLO 1.9 TDI
27 April 2006






1 December 2006
The REDESIGNED POLO

Quote

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it."

The finger...

Giving the Finger

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating
victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of
all captured English soldiers.
Without the middle finger it would be impossible to
draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be
incapable of fighting in the future.

This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree,
and the act of drawing the longbow was known as
"plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major
upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers
at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew!
"PLUCK YEW!"

Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult
consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a
labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in
conjunction with the one-finger-salute!

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used
with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as
"giving the bird."

And you thought you knew everything !

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine....Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Working in the IT industry:

1.We work weird (night) shifts...
Like prostitutes.

2. They pay you to make the client happy...
Like a prostitute.

3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost
every penny...
Like a prostitute.

4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
Like a prostitute.

5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people
in the same profession as you...
Like a prostitute.

6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be
perfectly groomed...
Like a prostitute.

7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from
hell...
Like a prostitute.

8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible
things from you...
Like a prostitute.

9. When people ask you about your job, you have difficulties to
explain it...
Like a prostitute.

10. Everyday when you wake up, you say: "I'm not going to spent the
rest of my life doing this."
Like a prostitute ........

Kulula

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg.
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit
where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing,
when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

---o0o---

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

----o0o---

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of
your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."

----o0o---

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
ways out of this airplane."

---o0o---

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us
the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

-------o0o---

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a
lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

-----o0o---

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the
Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."

---o0o---

>From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 245 to Calgary.
To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull
tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over
your
face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one
small child, pick your favourite."

---o0o---

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

----o0o---

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event
of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with
our compliments."

---o0o---

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants.. Please do not leave children or spouses."

-------o0o---

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines
is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in
the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

---------o0o---

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town:
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump,
and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

----------o0o---

Overheard on an Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly
windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really
having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please
remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"

----------o0o---

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us
to
the terminal."

---o0o---

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline.
He said
that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why,
no,
Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
land, or were we shot down?"

---o0o---

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant
came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning
bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way
through the wreckage to the terminal."

---o0o---

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can
light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

---o0o---

A plane was taking off from Durban Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The
weather
ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight.
Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOSH!" Silence followed, and after a few
minutes, the captain came back on The intercom and said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking
to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled,
"That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!

THE 6 BEST SMART ASS ANSWERS OF 2006

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she
said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store
but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the f reeway. A sign comes up that
reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop
gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on
his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,
illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised
his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was
suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class
is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the
teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly
says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand

Einstein's Riddle!

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage.

The question is: Who owns the fish?

Hints:

The Brit lives in the red house.
The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
The Dane drinks tea.
The green house is on the left of the white house.
The green homeowner drinks coffee.
The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
The man living in the center house drinks milk.
The Norwegian lives in the first house.
The man who smokes Blend lives next to the one who keeps cats.
The man who keeps the horse lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
The owner who smokes Bluemaster drinks beer.
The German smokes prince.
The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
The man who smokes Blend has a neighbor who drinks water.

Einstein wrote this riddle early during the 19th century. He said 98% of the world could not solve it. Its not hard, you just need to pay attention and be patient.

Quote

"War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"

Here's a prime example of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"
offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado
for an actual class assignment:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a

new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate
right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a
short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending
another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the
e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e - mail.
The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.

(second paragraph by Gary )

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "
A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out
of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt
from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

( Gary )

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks
who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the
congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

( Gary )

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who
reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

As*h@le.

( Gary )

B*tch!

(Rebecca)
F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

( Gary )
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.

my girlfriend

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Does EVIL exist ?

A University professor at a well-known institution of higher
learning challenged his students with this question.
"Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied,"Yes he did!"
"God created everything?" The professor asked.
"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.
The professor answered, "If God created everything;
then God created evil.And, since evil exists, and according
to the principle that our works define who we are, then we
can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's
hypothetical definition.The professor, quite pleased with
himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once
more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said,
"May I ask you a question,professor?"
"Of course", replied the professor.
The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"
"What kind of question is this?
Of course it exists.Have you never been cold?"
The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact, sir, cold does not exist.
According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in
reality the absence of heat.Every body or object is
susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and
heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy.
Absolute zero (-460 F)is the total absence of heat.
And all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that
temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to
describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"
The professor responded, "Of course it does."
The student replied, "Once again you are wrong, sir,
darkness does not exist either.Darkness is in reality the
absence of light.Light we can study, but not darkness.In fact,
we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors
and study the various wavelengths of each color.You cannot
measure darkness.A simple ray of light can break into a world
of darkness and illuminate it.How can you know how dark a
certain space is? You measure the amount of light present.
Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe
what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor,
"Sir, does evil exist?"
Now uncertain, the professor responded,
"Of course, as I have already said.We see it everyday.It is in
the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man.It is in the
multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world.
These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at
least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence
of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has
created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil.
Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's
love present in his heart.It's like the coldthat comes when
there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is
no light." The professor sat down.


The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

Suicide? Or Murder? Or Suicide?

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.

He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended" is still defined as committing suicide. Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below at street level, but his suicide attempt probably would not have been successful because of the safety net. This caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously, and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was his long standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident, that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was in fact Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over both the loss of his financial support and the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth-story window. The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!!

Always Remember

Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.

Always remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue.
But don't forget to remember
Those that have stuck by you.

Always remember to forget
The troubles that have passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day

Bullshit and brilliance

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

DReAm
iS a
fAntAsy
yEt aN
iLlusIon

----------

BMW

Audi

Subaru

Smoking

It's weird, but I had two patients today, both were
smokers and both had cancer. I felt so bad for them
and their families. I just wanted to tell you, or
rather, ask you to please stop smoking. It's a filthy
habit and it's not good for you(obviously).

I'm sorry for prying into your private lives, but
after seeing those poor patients today, I'm really on
a mission to get everyone I know, to stop smoking.

take care and please take this email seriously.

Naeem

Italy vs Germany

Everything Happens for a Reason

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be: your roommate, your neighbour,professor,long lost friend, partner or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you and that the time they seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming these obstacles you would never have realized your potential, strength, will power of heart.

Everything happens for a reason.Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of the soul.

Without these small tests, if they be events,illnesses or relationships,life would be like smooth paved,straight,flat road to nowhere,safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, successes and downfalls you experience,they are the ones who create who you are.Even the bad experience can be learned from…Those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart…forgive them,for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally,not only because they love you,but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count.Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can , for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you may never talked to before, and actually listen,let yourself fall in love , break free and sets your sights high.You can make of your life anything you wish.Create your own life and then go out and live it.
Thanks for making difference to my life.

Safiyyah Motala

Thought Of The Day

Life is Short, so break the rules...
Forgive quickly,
Believe slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And...
Never regret anything that made you smile...
Every Little Smile can touch Somebody's heart

Have a great day....

--------

cool

By Zakkiyah

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.

If you do, they might break your heart......if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we
don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)

*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?*

People live, but people die. I want to tell you that
you are a friend.

If you died tomorrow (God Forbid)

you would bein my heart.
Would I be in yours?

If you care about me as much as I care about you

you will send this back

You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,

I look up to you, respect you, truly cherish you , most of all I CARE about friends

Send this to all your friends, no matter how often you talk, or how close you are, and send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this e-mail and takecomfort in knowing
somebody out there cares about you and .. always will..

I care about YOU !

Zakkiyah 28/10/2006

Skull

Caution !

WHISTLE STOP

My Dearest Darling

Once upon a time…
Life had led us to a cosy haven
Tucked away from the qualms of reality…

A moment stolen from the hands of time
To which only we can comprehend…
An instant of truth
To which we now call a sweet memory,
Engraved on the core of our minds,
Fixed eternally…

A haven of comfort
Where our curves fall into place and
Lips linger over long, passionate kisses…

A moment where silence has spoken a thousand words
A portrait, which no artist can paint…

A place where despair is unknown…!


Thank you for sharing this beautiful moment with me


YOUR ANGEL

By Mohsina Mia

Love for Soccer

quote

"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin

unprotected."

- Red Buttons

world cup

champions of the world