Monday, April 30, 2007


Viola! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

well Mohsina has come up with her own V Tune

viola V ...verily i am verbose and find this varied text rather vain.
vafrous u are rite now...venial i will not be!
venerous i think u r....
are u in venditation as u travel with velociousness ?
with vespoid movement i will turn u vert, slowly u will vesuviate.
don't u know that i am : Vicereine ???
videtur, u dont! viscidly virid with viricide am i!
my vizard veils my vanity .....

Cancel your credit cards before you die

This sounds like as good advice as don't rent a casket when you die. It's not just the government... Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: "So what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."
(Lawyer info given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

A wonderful Message by George Carlin

George Carlin is an American comedian. He is known to be a Little foul-mouthed and it is fascinating that after the death of his wife and 9-11 he would write the following.

A wonderful Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but
we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one
night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


In love and life don't ever play games. If you love someone, TELL them,
if you don't, TELL them. The human heart is a very complex thing in that
it makes us do the strangest things when it reaches a point of desperation
especially when we are hurting. I'm sure many of us have reached that
point where we find ourselves attacking the competition "in the name of
LOVE" even attacking the object of your affection.

At the end of it all, relationships, whether friendships or romance, need
two elements to survive - COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE and it needs
another two elements two fall apart - PRIDE AND STUPIDITY.

Too proud to say I'm sorry, too proud to say I'm hurting, too proud to say
I'm feeling a little insecure. And so stupid, stupid enough to let them go
because you think they will be back, stupid enough not to tell them that
you love them because you think they will stick around longer if you play
hard to get, stupid enough not to answer their calls when you have a fight
because you want to make them hurt and you want to teach them a lesson
they'll never forget. Watch out you are not the one who learns a lesson.
If it's worth a great person walking out of your life, possibly for good,
then by all means knock yourself out.

But don't cry when that person never calls again, or finds solace in
another's arms, or throws themselves off a twenty story building because
the pain you were causing them was too much to bear.

Don't cry when a beautiful relationship is broken and can't be fixed
because YOU chose to play games instead of laying your cards on the table
and working it out. Say exactly what you feel and ask exactly what you
want to know. No matter how STUPID you sound. At least you will know
exactly where you stand.

And even if after you've poured your heart and it still doesn't work out,
you will be at peace because you know you did your best on your part.
Your conscience will be clear and you will move on knowing that you
didn't go down without a fight.

Loving someone is not a game.

People are not pyramids; you can't go off on your own selfish trip and
expect to find them in the exact same spot you left them weeks ago. If
you don't take care of your partners needs when they need you to, what
guarantee do you have that somebody else won't.

So when you find your partner in your best friend's arms or hear they are
getting married to someone you thought was just a "rebound trip" after you
let them go without a fight:

Don't cry, 'cause while you were busy playing games.......

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Do you think petrol is expensive?

Diet Coke 100ml @ R2.80 = R28.00 per litre

Lipton Ice Tea 200ml @ R3.50 = R17..50 per litre

Amstel 750ml @ R9.50 = R12.60 per litre

Energade 250ml @ R3.00 = R12.00 per litre

Brake Fluid 100ml @ R6.00 = R60.00 per litre

Vick's Nasal Sprayl 50ml @ R9.00 = R180.00 per litre

Hugo Boss Spray 50ml @ R225.00 = R4500.00 per litre

And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water 500ml @ R15.00 = R30.00! R30.00 for WATER!

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't
run on Water, Coke, or Vick's Nasal Spray!!!
Just a little humour to help ease the pain of your next trip to
the pump...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

International Council of Manhood

Rules of Being a Man

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

10: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

16: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

18: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

19: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

20: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

?GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say, "Roll over, fatty, you're next!"

I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manhood

Men Are Just Happier People

Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £2000. Tux hire- £100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.


A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a
difference for an organization.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new
restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our
order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a
little strange. When the busboy brought our water and
utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt
pocket. Then looked around saw that all the staff had
spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I
asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners
hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes.
After several months of analysis, they concluded
that the spoon was the most frequently dropped
utensil. It represents a drop frequency of
approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our
personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the
number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15
man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was
able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another
spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making
an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of
the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all
the waiters had the same string hanging from their
flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter

"Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that
string right there?

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not
everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I
mentioned also found out that we could save time in
the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you
know what, we can pull it out without touching it and
eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the restroom by 76.39%."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "don't know about the others, but
I use the spoon."

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


"There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two
days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of these
days is Yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders,
its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All
the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a
single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said.
Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow, with its possible
adversities, its burdens, its large promise, and poor performance.
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise,
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds; but it will rise. Until it
does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn. This leaves
only one day: Today.

Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I
add the burdens of those two awful eternities -Yesterday and Tomorrow -
that we break down. It is not the experience of Today that drives us mad,
it is remorse and bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and
the dread of what Tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore, live this one full

True ghost story from Soweto

A man was hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling by and there was hardly a car on the road. The storm was so strong that he could hardly see his feet in front of him.
Suddenly a car came towards him and stopped. Without thinking, he got in and closed the door,just to realize that there was nobody behind the steering wheel. The car moved off slowly. He looked ahead and saw a curve in the road.
Scared, he started praying, begging for his life. He was terrified. Just before hitting the curve a hand appeared through the window and turned the steering wheel. The man, now paralysed with fear, watched how the hand kept appearing every time they got to a curve.
Gathering all his courage, he jumped out and ran to the nearest lights he could see. Wet and in shock, he went into a shebeen and asked for Black-Label. After drinking it, he told everyone of the horrible experience he just had. Everyone was silent when they realized he was crying.
About half an hour later, two men came walking into the shebeen and, on seeing the terrified man, the one said to the other, "Look, Mfowetu (my bra), that's the idiot that got into the car while we were pushing it".

Thank You...

A special Thank You to Asad and Mohsina for The Jacket.
It looks really nice.