Monday, December 11, 2006

Best Wishes For 2007

May your good health be confirmed by your dentist, gastro-endocrinologist,
urologist, gynaecologist, psychologist, optician, fortune-teller,
and may your physiotherapist, chiropractor, therapist,
Witch-doctor and your slimming clinic tell you
that you don't have to come anymore.
May your doctor know where to start
and may your masseuse know where to stop.
May your salary, your housing subsidy,
the contents of your house and all your shares increase in value,
and may your blood pressure, weight, house loan,
tax and cholesterol all decrease.
May all your friends remember you and
may the taxman forget you exist.
May hijackers, car thieves and rapists overlook you and may your
loved ones always see you.
May your walls be too high for the neighbourhood's thieves
but low enough for you to hop over when you have forgotten your keys.
May you have an honest government
and a dishonest beauty therapist.
May you have an intelligent President
and a fool for a TV license checker.
Lastly may the brewery never close their doors
Merry Christmas and a Happy NEW

Thursday, December 07, 2006


The ffg is an actual letter writen to TRUWORTHS by a customer

Dear Sir/Madam

I hereby wish to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 1 May in which for the third time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt to your company and reconfirm my intend to make good on the debt as soon as possible. It is not as if I have been unwilling – in fact I have just been unable to pay you at the rate I would have liked to, due to the personal circumstances elaborated upon herein-under.

Firstly, on a point of correction, allow me to bring to your attention the fact that my details are recorded incorrectly on your database. You have incorrectly addressed me as Ms, whereas I am Mr. I cannot recall having had a sex-change operation, neither do I plan to. Although I can understand why you would make a mistake of that nature, simply because the perfume I bought was a ladies’ Issey Miyake, does not justify you referring to me as a woman. If you can make a mistake of that nature, Lord knows whether the amount alleged to be owed is not inflated. To that effect, please send me a detailed statement indicated all the cost included and the justification for the so-called interest and administration fees. To my knowledge, I have not borrowed money from you to be charged interest, neither do I expect you to administer my account as I know that I owe you R670.00 for the perfume I bought for my girlfriend. In any case, our relationship is not as great as it used to be and should it completely break down, I will forward you her details as she is the one enjoying the product derived from your store. Furthermore, it was not my intention to spend such a lot of money for a 50ml bottle of perfume.

Nonetheless, the reason for my correspondence is this - I wish to bring to your attention that you are not the only one I owe money to. I have many more creditors, quite as honourable as you and to whom I even owe many more thousands of rand than the lousy R670.00 owed to you, and whom I wish to reimburse too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and randomly draw the names of two creditors, whom I hasten to pay immediately. I hope that your name will come out in the next draw at the end of June.

Sincerely Yours,

PS: I regret to inform you that given the cheeky and impolite tone of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Long Trip Home

27 April 2006

1 December 2006